Goodbye, Baby Theodore

24 August 2011

Dear Baby Theodore,

I am so, so sad because we never got the chance to welcome you in this world. And I feel so lost right now because I don't know how to comfort your Inay and Itay.

You are very much loved, baby Theo.

Your Inay and Itay were very much looking forward to having you in their lives. They really didn't know yet if you were going to be a boy or a girl, but your Inay was very positive that you will be a boy. Woman's intuition, she said. So they thought of names they want to give you -- Noah, Adam, Samuel, and Theodore. I voted for Samuel because I like that name. But your Itay is a big fan of presidents, so he wanted to name you Theodore. And I have to concede, because he is your dad after all. Hihihi. But I got dibs on giving you your nickname, Theo. ;)

Did you know that your Inay can't stop talking about you? She was so excited to go shopping for her maternity clothes, and she also can't wait to buy cute baby outfits for you! She's constantly thinking of what would be best for you -- like is it better for you  if they use disposable or cloth diapers? She kept on wondering if you will be a scientist, a jock, a businessman, or even the next president.

She wanted you to grow up with the knowledge that you are very much loved and accepted for who you are. She wanted you to have good Filipino values. She wanted you to be the person that you want to be. Your Inay and Itay wanted you to have your own values and beliefs and opinions. She would always tell me that whatever path you end up choosing for yourself, she and your Itay would be very proud of you no matter what.

It's really sweet how your Inay and Itay hopes to be the best parent for you. One of their fears was that they would not be good parents. But I think that just by having that fear, they are already one step closer to being good parents. And I know that they will be awesome parents when it is the right time. Especially with what just happened, they would really love and cherish and treasure the children that they will have in the future.

Your Itay just attended this week-long retreat of self-discovery. And he is very happy that he was able to do it, especially since they were expecting you. He hopes that as he re-discover his true self and let go of any limiting beliefs he had before, he will be a very good and loving father to you. Your Inay, she's been through a lot in her young age. And I guess, she has this fear that she might project towards you the treatment she had when she was a kid. But you know what, I believe that she would have been a very loving and nurturing mother to you.

I can see your Itay being a supportive and loving dad. He'll be busy with his work, but he'll make time to be with you -- play with you, read you bedtime stories, ask you how your day was, going to your important activities.

Your Inay, I think she would be stricter than your Itay (shhhh). She works long hours, but I know that no matter how much work she has to do, she'll make sure that above anything else, she'll be a mom to you first.

Oh baby Theo, I really want you to be still inside your Inay's womb and steadily grow for the next 8 months. I want to welcome  you in the world and be your tita. I am actually looking forward to playing with you and teaching you stuff. Know that I love you very much. You are always in my prayers. I'm really sad that you're not here with us anymore.

You will be remembered, baby Theo. Please watch over your Inay and Itay from heaven. Help me pray for them, okay? They are hurting very much right now. And as much as I want to do something to ease their pain, I know that the only thing that I can offer them for now are my prayers, presence and support.

I'm glad that there is one more angel in heaven looking out for my dear friends.

Love,
Your Tita