I just don’t know what to do anymore…It’s
seems like every time I try to get back up, something will happen that makes me
stumble again and again and again…It just gets tiring…They say this world is
fit for survivors…What if I am not just a survivor, then? Should I just…"
17January2009
~ tight ~
While I am searching for a document on my electronic files, I came across some past compositions of mine. I can't believe how dark most of them are, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Writing has always been an outlet of mine, especially during the darkest years of my life. What I should be amazed of is the fact that by God's grace, I am very much alive and grateful to be alive right now.
About 6 years ago, I decided that I will finally choose to live my life to the fullest. I chose to be re-born and live this second life of mine following God's will. I had high hopes and great optimism during the first year of my second life. However, as the days go by and reality kicks in, I found myself falling into a fit of despondency and self-doubt again . I asked myself if it's worth it to go through the ups and downs of everyday living...To one day feel good about myself and feel positive about life, and then go through the pain again whenever I feel inadequate for failing to do something. But praise God for His love, mercy, and providence! Thank God that because He is a God of many chances and infinite patience, I am able to start my life over and over and over again, as many times as I choose to.
About 6 years ago, I decided that I will finally choose to live my life to the fullest. I chose to be re-born and live this second life of mine following God's will. I had high hopes and great optimism during the first year of my second life. However, as the days go by and reality kicks in, I found myself falling into a fit of despondency and self-doubt again . I asked myself if it's worth it to go through the ups and downs of everyday living...To one day feel good about myself and feel positive about life, and then go through the pain again whenever I feel inadequate for failing to do something. But praise God for His love, mercy, and providence! Thank God that because He is a God of many chances and infinite patience, I am able to start my life over and over and over again, as many times as I choose to.
My Blue Bird of Happiness
Now, I am very grateful that I did not give up from the many set-backs that I've encountered so far in my second life. If I had, I would have never realized my purpose in life and I would have deprived myself and the world from the blessings and joy of living my life purpose!
Yes -- you've read it right. Finally! After long years of searching, I now realize why I am here on earth. Now I understand why they say that it's easy to know what our purpose in life is -- that you just have to look at your passions and potentials to know. When I realized what my purpose is, I cried and laughed like crazy because what I've been desperately searching for is something already innate in me but have failed to acknowledge.
Whenever I look back and remember what I've gone through in life so far, I am so amazed to see how the events and people in my life fit perfectly in this jigsaw puzzle of my life. They have helped me become the person I am today and to prepare me when I finally answer God's specific calling in my life (whatever that is). Suddenly, it all makes sense. Before, I only know and just say that there is a reason for certain things to happen and that in time, they will serve their purpose. But now, I understand this in my heart and my faith in God's perfect planning and design strengthened.
In a few months, I am about to start the next chapter in my life. I am about to embark on a new journey that follows the path of my purpose in life. I am very excited and I can't wait to the many blessings that will surely come my way. But more importantly, I am looking forward to being a blessing to others by living out and fulfilling my life purpose!
My Prayer for You
My prayer for you today is that I hope that you will be able to discern your purpose in life. May God bless you with the spirit of courage so that you'll be able to answer His call and bless the world by living out your life purpose. When you look back into your past -- both the good and the bad -- may you see these events as your sacred ruins that have served its purpose to who you are today and who you will become in the future. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.
Praying for your happiness,
Joanne
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